Davey and I

I have named my iPods Davey in remembrance of my grandmother who used to call me that. I have been without Davey for the past month. Over the past couple of days we have bonded. He (it?) plays me music; I listen to the music he is playing. Silly that an inanimate object has taken on a life of its own in my head.

I really began to appreciate having it this morning as I was off to see some friends. One of the things I love about the past four years is that I have been able to listen to music on a daily basis. I started out with an MP3 player when I moved here from San Diego. It played 100 songs on a CD-RW and I managed to get by. 4 iPods later, I am now at 15,093 songs.

Ministry’s “Halloween” came on and I harkened back to Halloween 1987. I remembered doing the 80’s Goth dance to that song with one of my friends and the bop-eee-bop-bop part of the song stuck in my head from that day forward. I always think back to that particular moment in time when I hear that song. I think back to a lot of instances when I hear almost any song; some of those instances are good and some of them bad.

That song was a segway to my life a little over two years ago. I missed that time in my life as I was getting to do something I always wanted to do. That was having an outlet to express myself. It was a podcast where I got to play music and just talk. The funny thing was is that people listened. I enjoyed moments with my friends, Charles and Aharon in particular, because we were able to find a common bond through music. I have found a common ground with people in music (Note to self: need to check out My Brightest Diamond after reading a review). Funny thing was that I got an e-mail from Apple stating that they were discontinuing the link for the podcast, as it appears non-existent. I could have told them that almost two years ago.

I have found recently that there is more to life than just have likes or dislikes when it comes to music. There has been more of a reaching out to people in terms of dealing with life by myself in the past few days. Just simply finding the coping mechanisms that a fellow human being uses to make it through the day; be satisfied with the here and now; be able to accept what has happened in the past, learn and move forward. Finding different ideas or strengths to reach that next level; achieve that inner peace. I have been doing a lot of soul searching in the past month or so trying to find what I really want out of life. I hate stumbling (read: self-destructing) when life gets too good, because it not only leaves wreckage with me but others as well.

I saw someone that honest has no chance of leading a normal life, whatever that is today. His brain is fried and no amount of medication is going to help this guy balance a checkbook, let alone be self-sufficient. The sad thing is that this kid is only 26 years old. I know that there is that inner soul in him trying to break through, because I saw moments of lucidity in speaking with him. The unfortunate thing is that whatever effect those events that led to his current state have only suppressed that inner soul. I will keep him in my thoughts and prayers.

Those are just some of the things that have been rolling around in my head today. A friend of mine suggested that I journal. I told him that I blog, as it exposes some of me to others. Makes me a little more vulnerable to others in an effort to be able to talk about what is going on in my life today. Today I have hope. Today I have faith. Today I live.