An Open Letter To Sarah Ann

Dear Sarah Ann,

I knew the end had come when I was watching Radiohead without you, as well as Shiny Toy Guns. I am glad the final days are here, as I can not stand a life like this. This is the most recent Radiohead song that I have listened to over and over. I am sure that you are familiar with it. The lyrics go something like this:

When I’m at the pearly gates
This will be on my videotape, my videotape
Mephistopheles is just beneath
and he’s reaching up to grab me

This is one for the good days
and i have it all here
In red, blue, green
Red, blue, green

You are my center
When i spin away
Out of control on videotape
On videotape
On videotape
On videotape

This is my way of saying goodbye
Because I can’t do it face to face
I’m talking to you after it’s too late
From my videotape

No matter what happens now
You shouldn’t be afraid
Because I know today has been the most perfect day I’ve ever seen.

I wander around here without you and life just does not seem right any longer.  I always enjoyed our adventures, because I felt like you loved me for who I am and not wanting me to be someone else. I loved how you threw your many compliments my way. I thought I did and said enough so that you felt the same. I guess I was wrong. You were the only one I truly loved on all levels. All. I never second-guessed our love for a minute and only wish I had heeded the warning signs a little more. I honestly thought we could overcome any obstacles that life threw at us as love conquers all. Please don’t think that my nonchalant attitude meant that I didn’t care. I simply hated to overcomplicate life. I simply tried to take each day as it came. I only knew that no matter where I was (five, twenty, forty years) I only wanted to be with you. My only regret was not working on myself so that I could become a better person. Being away from you at first only made me realize that I needed to take those steps. Losing you again only made me lose my focus. You meant the world to me.  You simply were my best friend.

I simply want you to know that I love you and am sorry to everyone for the hurt I am about to cause my friends and family. I love everyone, life as I know it is over for me. I loved and lost and simply have given up. I had the love of my life and know that any other relationship would be a farce. I hope everyone understands how it has come to this.

I want no funeral. I simply want to be cremated and have my ashes spread over our waterfall.

The most apropos song is this one by Blue October:

How am I supposed to breathe?
I try to relax. I touch your still frame
So I can watch you closer
And study the ways I believe I belong to you… to you
so i.. I scratch at your waist line… your doll hair
I dig up the thought of how your eyes glow
So I make you my religion, my collision, my escape goat
So have I found your secret weak spot, baby?

[Chorus]
Can you pretend I’m amazing?
I can pretend I’m amazing…
Instead of what we both know x2
I cut to the punch line baby
Can we pretend I’m amazing
Instead of what we both know

and now our history is for sale
And for that I apologize
You see you’re my only know how
The study of when I believed I belonged to you.. to you
You see I’ve made you into something more delicious,
My sweet ghost
So have I found your secret weak spot, baby?

[Chorus]

Love always,

David George